Who Am I?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer struggled with the battle we all fight. Are we who we think we are? Are we what others think we are (for good or ill)? Or are we something else that neither ourselves or others really know? Bonhoeffer put it this way in a poem from prison:
Who am I?
They often tell me
I would step from my cell’s confinement
calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
like a squire from his country house.
Who am I?
They often tell me
I would talk to my warders
freely and friendly and clearly,
as though it were mine to command.
Who am I?
They also tell me
I would bear the days of misfortune
equably, smilingly, proudly
like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I know of myself,
restless and longing and sick,
like a bird in a cage,
struggling for breath,
as though hands were compressing my throat,
yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voice of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
trembling with anger at despostisms and petty humiliation,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I?
This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
and before myself a contemptibily woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I?
They mock me,
these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine.
Celebrate this day, that whoever you are, wherever you are in the process, whatever people say about you today–for good or ill, accurate or inaccurate, just and fair or harsh and hasty–today, you are His, and tomorrow, because of His grace, you will be more like Jesus because of what you endure under and through His grace today.
That is worth celebrating in the turmoil of whatever today brings to you. Enjoy the weekend.
ChosenRebel's Blog 
I totally went through that questioning process in college, and it is something that I have not revisited because I felt that I was so “over it.” I may not be asking the exact same questions as before or even feel the depth of turmoil from the moments in the past, but grace is something that I have to learn to receive over and over in order to be at peace with who I know I am to be and who I know God knows me to be. Thank you for the post, Pastor Marty!
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Joyce,
You are so right. We have to learn grace over and over and over. May God help us both to see ourselves as His by his grace with a new freshness each day.
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